Leading Like a Girl: For Men Only?

I’d love to see all these findings discussed on TV more as they’re an important (and refreshing) companion to all the political moves we’re experiencing with this election. How about Marie on Oprah? On with all the pundits? Are they open to this? Marie with top women in business? I could keep going, but…

I believe that only when women are truly accepted as intellectual/financial/powerful equals (to men) will we be able to be authentic in leadership roles. I wonder if this can only occur when we are no longer ‘oddities’ in positions of power. Perhaps a chicken and egg situation. We have gender stereotypes, pervasive and difficult to crack. Canada is not much better than the US in terms of female leaders and this issue is of great concern to me. I work in medicine and I battle daily to be perceived as competent while my male counterparts glide by assumed to be so with little proof. This is a very important issue as I’m thought to be too caring, too sensitive, too tough, too outspoken, “bitchy” etc. when I’m really just doing a good job. It seems I can’t make a move without incurring the famous “too” label. I am committed to this project and these discussions are helpful and inspiring. Brava!

I have spent my life being “authentic” in the corporate world, and it has cost me dearly. When you are just starting out and just finding your voice, it is easy to just go with the flow. But once you acquire several years of experience, find your own voice, and are no longer willing to go with the flow, that is when everything changes. The good old boys club is still not ready to deal with smart strong women. Only being “loyal” is valued. And by being loyal they mean never questioning what they say or do. There is a strong price to pay for being “authentic” and I think that is why so many women are dropping out of the corporate world to start their own businesses. At least I did and don’t regret it.

I would like to comment on men succeed by employing feminine leadership style. I’ll take it that you mean feminine leadership style, one who thinks like a woman with wisdom. When women were created we were created to help the man. The only time a woman has to be a full time leader is when the man fails. A man was given a mate for pleasure and for in times of need, help. This doesn’t just pertain to marriage. Women were given the character, the ability, the quality men lack. What man lacks, the woman has in abundance. When man is failing it is obvious he has forgotten to take notice of something. That something, answer, idea a man has not thought of, there is a woman who has thought of that answer to a problem or that new creative idea that will expand my purse. Bring what a man lacks and a woman has to offer together and you have success. The most important things revealed from a man is for a woman to put it altogether, from the most important to the least important, forgetting nothing = success. A man reveals a thought a woman expands on that thought. If you ask a man to brainstorm an idea and ask a woman to brainstorm on the same idea, the puzzle is finished.

During my lifetime I seriously doubt that there will never be a circumstance under which women can finally claim feminine attributes for themselves and not be punished for them 100% across the board. As women begin to achieve more gender equality and equal wages, the tide will begin to turn; but, this will take many more years. We need more women in leadership roles: CEO’s, CFO’s, and COO’s, and women business owners who lead with a feminine style and receive accolades for it. The proof of women’s leadership abilities is out there; it’s just not enough, and certainly not publicized enough. A woman can be strong AND feminine; it doesn’t have to be either or. Women still have difficulty making it in the corporate world with wage disparity what it is, and discrimination stemming from gender as well as lifestyle choices (i.e., single or married, a mother or childless) that men just do not have to deal with at all. In addition, a woman can be critisized for what she wears just as much as how she leads. There are many hurdles to overcome before the embracing of feminine attributes is going to occur; when women are still considered second to men in the corporate world simply because they are women.

I agree, women will not be able to be authentic in leadership roles until we are accepted as equals in every aspect by men. Men are not the only ones we need to convince, women often view themselves as too soft as well. I think it will take us all changing our minds to finally be able to reveal our authentic selves in leadership roles. One way for us to change our minds is to raise our children with facts instead of stereotypes about the strenghths and abilities of women. They will in turn do the same for their children and we will be one step closer to being able to be authentic. After all this is how we where able to get into the leadership roles in the first place.

I believe there are certain biological and conditional attributes that hamper women to succeed by what we refer to as “men’s standards”.

We are biologically different because we are wired differently;
We multi-task (men can’t)
We are the nurturers and are conditioned (biologically and emotionally) to take care of everyone’s needs ‘first’
And therefore, we are not clinical and single minded in our goal.

My past four years ‘education’ through my start-up business (and advice from my mentor at SBA)

continued….

and my four years simultaneously dealing with lawyers during my divorce litigation revealed for me, some of these important differences. Therefore I designed a scarf for myself to empower me during the four-year struggle called Womanpower; woman gentle and tender (and will not give up that quality) but tough as steel, was my message for myself to help me endure those long tough four years…to finally beat 3 very smart lawyers at their game, without losing my own identity!!

I think the only real thing we do need to learn differently from men to be as and more successful than them, is to teach ourselves to ‘think like a man” when it comes to business.

If we look around us, most of the problems we now face have been started by the ‘male perspective.’ I am sure the Burka
was not designed by a woman. It was not a woman that bombed the World Trade Center. Child sex slaves are not feeding the sexual appettites of women. Need I go on? We have allowed patriarchal society’s to bring us to the most danderous time in history. I honestly don’t believe that comparing us to men is constructive. Change takes time and persistance.
If we trust our instincts and teach our young girls to do the same ,we will achieve the paradigm shift we all crave. I believe that it is time for a whole new way of thinking; one that rely’s on our wisdom and gut instinct. We must create an environment that nurtures confidence, courage and caring in our women worldwide.

know it’s really strange that I have this website. To be able to listen and talk to like minded women. I was forced into a early retirement up for standing my rights. Now I’m starting my own business, because when I think about it, I worked most of my 27 years without an administrator. Wish me luck. You’re a God send Ladies.

I think that women who currently hold leadership positions should embrace their femininity and it should be obvious to anyone who contacts them that they do. Further, they should demonstrate that feminine characteristics are not merely features, they are strong attributes.

I think it is more difficult for women who are seeking leadership positions because they are trying to mold themselves to the specifications of the power-holders. This is not really a leadership tactic, but it is difficult to envision getting the leadership position without this compromise.

The trouble is that there are places where one can’t compromise without being compromised.

I think one of the issues that makes women less successful when they present their feminine characteristics is a matter of scale. Like putting a votive cup in a place that demands a candelabrum, too little femininity appears wimpy. Femininity is not weak, nor necessarily frilly. It is a strong, connective characteristic that should be worn and presented as the benefit that it is.

People who have power are looking for reasons not to share it–as more women leaders give a successful example of femininity, I hope the femininity of women will become less of a refuge for the threatened.

I believe there is power in numbers and women should pool our business sense together. When it comes to our business sense we should adopt the motto “JUST DO IT”. The numbers have proven our success in business and communication. We are the ones who care for our families, set up and run our homes, and some of us even maintain full-time and part-time employment outside of our homes as well. We’re are very capable handling much more than our male peers. So I propose that we take on a ‘no holds barred M.O.: STOP trying prove anything to anybody, Stop asking or begging and just do what we do best…implement order, organization, and systems. Build businesses and business relationships that ofter a real solutions and services the address and solves problems that our Earth, Economy, Families, Medical, and Communities faces on a daily basis. We as women know mostly first hand how these problems affect us simply because they affect the quality of the lives of our husbands and children. Women tend to have a special ability in solving a crisises and coming up with ‘real’ immediate solutions due to our connections with the compassionate side of “everything” while men tend look at things with dominance and elimination often no considering the long-term effects of their actions when they should just ’step out of the way’. In fact we should just step over them and do when we know how to do. Soon they will recognize that when they question us and block our efforts that they are part of the problem and not the solution.

[...] Leading Like a Girl: For Men Only? “Of course, it is a real testament to the women’s movement that the embrace of feminine [...]

This blog resonated deeply with me for many reasons. In my early twenties, I had the opportunity to serve as Administrator of several skilled nursing facilities. This was my first forray into the business world, and I wasn’t exactly sure how to act. Having been raised by conservative parents, with my father owning a small business, I had observed his interactions in his professional circles and took those as my cue. My mentor during this time was also a man, and so I looked to his masculine business persona for direction regarding how I should interact with my subordinates, my peers, and my supervisors. I didn’t have a leading woman to learn from, and I wasn’t strong enough in myself yet to step-into my own skin. I remember never feeling authentic, always monitoring my words and actions. At one point, the words that came out of my mouth in a meeting were so identical to what my mentor would have said that others in the meeting chuckled. I never “fit in” or “got it” because I never felt comfortable being my feminine self.

Over the past ten years I have been blessed with many challenges and opportunities that have helped me connect with my inner voice, my lioness, my kitten. I can feel when I’m losing my authenticity and putting on a “face” for the crowd I’m with, and I DON’T LIKE HOW IT FEELS! This blog reminds me that I’m not alone in struggling with my ability to lead like a woman, and how important it is to stay authentic for not only myself but also for the many women who will follow my footsteps.

Howard Behar writes, “Wearing one hat is the epitome of personal leadership. It is the starting point–and the ending point–of the lifelong process of discovering who you are and what you stand for.” I find that when I wear my one, authentic, feminine hat all day long–with my family, my friends, my patients, my colleagues–I am respected more by both myself and others. People can see me for *who I am*, not who I am “trying to be.” The persona we display with are children should be no different than that we bring into the boardroom: compassionate, creative, caring. If I feel that I need to “change hats” when I enter a political or professional arena, I am not being authentic. What a bold and daring move it is to stay true to oneself!

I was recently interviewed for the radio show “Women With Vision”, and the interviewer noticed that I’d sat barefoot, lotus-style on my stool. She commented that I exuded the kind of calm and comfort she would expect to find in an acupuncture clinic, and that she couldn’t imagine me doing anything else. As I thought about that, I realized that for the first time in my career, I’m comfortable *being myself* in the workplace…that’s what she was picking-up on.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka writes in her parenting book, “Raising Your Spirited Child”, about how difficult it would be for a left-handed child to function if that child was forced to write with her right hand. In the same way, when women are pressured or feel compelled to masculinize their leadership qualities, they cannot function as effectively as they would by using their natural, feminine persona. To place “round” women in “square” holes is to compromise their ability to contribute fully to the experience at hand, limiting their potential effectiveness in any given situation.

Thank you for a wonderfully thought-provoking blog, Marie!

Though provoking indeed!

A vast majority of women both in the Corporate and Private sectors are “Authentic”. It is my feeling that the authenticity is what causes the controvery with male counterparts. I have witnessed the intimidation and the “If you are not part of the soluton” then “you must be part of the problem” propaganda by men and somtimes even women.

It’s unfortunate, yet true! The ablility for men to “flip flop” if you will,earns brownie points with the “powers that be” and considered “thinking outside the box” while often times women who actually possess the answer key, are fighting to be recognized.

It is by way of organizations such as TWHP that women will gain the Leverage and Respect needed to move forward accordingly!

Mrs. Meena Tharmaratnam, I am a man. I have read your statement. It is true that men and women are wired differently. But your statement is tasteless.
You said that “We multi-task (men can’t)”, and “We are the nurturers and are conditioned (biologically and emotionally) to take care of everyone’s needs ‘first’”.
There are alot of men who can multi-task and take care of others as well. In all due respect, your statement is a flat out lie.

To Susan Fitzgerald, it is true that it was men who flew planes into the World Trade Center. It is also true that Sex Slavery is in demand. However there are women terrorist who would kill you based on your difference from them. In sex slavery should be a just a crime and not a crime only for men as what you put it.

“I’d love to see all these findings discussed on TV more as they’re an important (and refreshing) companion to all the political moves we’re experiencing with this election. How about Marie on Oprah? On with all the pundits? Are they open to this? Marie with top women in business? I could keep going, but…”

Hi Sybil, I am working on a project to do exactly that. I am developing a women’s television talk show that will address exactly what Marie has expressed. I too got incredibly frustrated by my observations of these things while watching the pundits debate the various candidates and as a result I’ve developed a proposal, outline and am working on a mini-pilot that I can present to various networks. I hope that soon this type of discussion will finally take place on television. If you have not already done so please join the Add Women, Leadership Network, because you will see what other amazing women are doing as well and it is and will be incredibly inspiring.

Good post.