Help Us Write “The Gender Speech”

Hi TWPers. I am a proud alum of Go Run and started writing about this issue some time ago…below is the type and feel I would like to see in such a speech….

My duties as a Woman
March 17, 2007
Dafna Michaelson

I received what may be considered by most of my peers to be a combination of forward thinking and somewhat archaic messaging about what my duties are as a woman. It is precisely this combination of messages that have formed me into a Woman who believes that it is my obligation to help other women reach their potential and stretch the limits of what the world believes to be possible.

I grew up with two very strong female role models. My Mother and my Grandmother. I encountered other strong women who made an impact on my life during my formative years. But none gave me more consistent messaging than my Mother and Grandmother.

What was the messaging?

Mother:
• You can be whatever you want to be.
• You are beautiful.
• You are strong.
• I fought for the right to learn what was before only allowed for men, you can do the same.
• Your obligation as a Woman is to your children. You must sacrifice your desires for your children.

Grandmother:
• You are a strong woman.
• You must find a good man.
• You must have a peaceful home
• Let your man feel he makes the decisions.
• Be involved and active in your community.

Who are these women?

My mother struggled as she was raised in a male dominant Eastern European culture in Queens, NY. Her grandfather was an abusive man and did not particularly like women, primarily my mother. She was not given the same opportunities as her brother and was consistently told she was less than or not as good as.

With no other message this strong spirit believed what she was told. My mother came into her own with the birth of her first child, a daughter, me. She stood up to the questions of doubt that my parents, poor and far from their families, would be able to manage a child so early in their marriage and youth. While the marriage did fail 7 years later my mother raised me with strength and conviction fighting against many odds.

My mother, who never completed college, always worked and always held what felt to me as a child to be professional jobs. We had an open home where we welcomed guests and I learned to let the guests eat first in case there was not enough food. In my teen years lack of food was no longer an issue and it was just a question if the leftovers were going to last one week or two.

My mother told me about her childhood and what she dreamed for me. She told me I was beautiful every day even through my very awkward pre-teen and teen years. She made me believe I could do or accomplish anything, and without having other messages, I believed her. I struggled in school, I struggled fitting into groups, I struggled with my religion and all the while my mother kept up consistent messaging, “Dafna, you can do and be whatever you want to be.” My quote in my high school yearbook is: If you will it, It is no dream, that is the message I received in one ear.

In the other ear lives my Grandmother. This incredible woman dropped out of High School, providing for her brothers to be able to remain in school, to help run the family grocery store after the sudden death of her father when she was 14 years old. She married just before WWII. Sent her husband off to be a medic in a not very Jew friendly part of the world. She conceived my Uncle during one of my Grandfather’s military leave visits. My Grandmother raised my Uncle for his first three years in the home of her mother-in-law, persevered against all odds and gave birth to my father shortly after my Grandfathers return from his Service. She put herself through school as an adult and became a teacher in the rough public schools of Philadelphia and received her Masters Degree when she was already a grandmother.

These were not easy times. This strong woman held it all together. That was her duty as a woman and this is what she taught me. You cook, you clean, you keep peace in the home. When you are done with that you work, you learn, you contribute to your community and you do all these things on a daily basis. As a woman you always have many balls in the air and, while juggling your own, you are also responsible for juggling the balls of those in your home. They are all ultimately your responsibility.

What did I hear?

Let’s face it; I hit the jack-pot when it comes to female role models. While I don’t do everything the way my mother or grandmother would have me do it, it is because of their consistent messaging to me that I have the strength to believe I can do it and I can do anything.

So what do I tell my daughter? I tell her she is beautiful, and she is. I tell her she is bright, and she is. I tell her she can be anything she wants to be, and she will. I should note, I tell the same to my son as he too deserves positive messaging as he grows and develops into the gentleman he deserves to be.

I have a drive. I have a mission. I have a duty. It is my obligation to pass the positive messaging I received onto the women in my community and the women in the world around us. I watch women every day who have been beaten down by life and by forces around them who told them they were not good enough. Unlike my mother, these women believe this message and make poor choices affecting their future. We must not allow this negative messaging to penetrate our sisters and our daughters.

How frustrated I become when I read about the lack of passage of seemingly slam dunk legislation that could wipe out HPV by giving our daughters vaccinations when they are 11 years old. Yet, we have a fear that by giving them this vaccination our daughters will become sexually promiscuous? Do we not realize that by not promoting vaccinations like these, by failing to protect our girls, we are telling them “You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. You are not strong enough to make wise decisions.” We are knocking them down.

Perhaps there is a lack of understanding on how to raise strong confident and competent women? If this is the case it is the responsibility of women who received positive messaging like myself, or those who have overcome negative messaging like my mother and those who come from a different world but understand that women have the capacity to make things happen, like my grandmother, to teach the law makers, the teachers, the religious leaders, the CEO’s around us about the strength and wisdom of women.

We must fight for equity in pay, in educational opportunities, in access to preventative health care. We must take responsibility as economists predict 60% of the workforce being female by 2010 that these women are the CEO’s and VP’s not only support services. We think we are so far forward from our mother’s and grandmother’s days in terms of equity for women and yet out of the 100 seats in the US Senate only 13 are held by women. With Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House we certainly have come a long way yet we still have miles to go before we rest.

Anyone up for a walk? Join me, I’m leading the way.

There IS a new feminine wave of energy of women seeking to bring reverence, respect, value and empowerment to all that is feminine. Imagine a world in which children were raised with these values.
Imagine, what it would be like to give the feminine voice and authority.

Beginning with the Mother herself, the earth: we could not continue to abuse and deplete her resources.
Rape and abuse would no longer be tolerated as weapon used in war.
Domestic violence towards women and children would be intolerable.
Women who still feel self-hatred would find their healing.
Honoring emotions and tears as valuable and not as weakness.
Men would be honored for their feelings and sensitivity allowing them to respect and give voice to their own feminine side without shame and embarrassment.

FROM these values we could respond from a different place, when we wrote policy, considered war, gave to those in need and interacted with other nations. A place of compassion, tolerance, inclusiveness
and honoring one another.

Thank YOU Marie for your voice and the wisdom you bring to the world.

Marilyn Nyborg ~ co-founder of Gather the Women Global Matrix

I learned a valuable lesson in Mr. Drever’s class at Vista Elementary School in Simi Valley,CA. The class was made up of 5th & 6th graders, it was an experimental class for “gifted” children, fast learning, bright kids. I was one of them, but it took a few months for this lesson to sink in. Each month we voted for a class president, he or she would act as judge, mediating any conflicts that came up, would make other decisions for the class and have certain privlileges as well. There were 8 boys and 9 girls in the class, yet each month a boy would win the private ballot vote. I finally realized that even though a 5th grade boy and a 6th grade boy would be nominated, as well, of course as a girl from each grade level, the boys would decided in advance who they were going to vote for and do in unanamously. The girls would split their vote, 6th grade girls wouldn’t vote for a 5th grade girl! Even after recognizing the behind the scene arrangement…it was hard to persuade some of the girls to stick together. The boy presidents chose activities for the class that lots of times didn’t interest me, I wanted equal representation, but it was difficult to achieve.

My speech would include a call for both mothers and fathers to encourage their daughters to reach for their dreams. Fathers sometimes think that lack of discouragement is enough for their daughters and reserve encouragement for their sons.

I think we as women need to address women - to vote for women. I see and hear everyday women commenting on other women. Asking more of them than they do of men. More tolerant of men than they are of women. When a woman candidate is out campaigning and a man says to her as one said to Hillary Clinton, Hillary Iron my Shirt, regardless whether you like Hillary or not you should be out there voting for her and working for her because if only some people feel this way it is too much. Unless we as women work, for and vote for women our status will never change. The glass ceiling will never be broken and it will be because women didn’t do enough to change their status.

I truly believe that we need a woman president. A woman has always had something or someone holding them back. They know the struggles and they know how tough it can be but I do believe most women can be fair, tough, tolerant, and understanding

My speech would speak to the young woman, like myself. We are thankful for all the things woman have done before us including voting, working and having children by ourselves without shame or fear. We work hard and struggle to do what the generation of woman told us we could work in jobs or careers and have a filling live as well. I believe young woman beat down the barriers everyday for themselves and can continue this vision into the future.

Health care is necessary and there are barriers that make us not have coverage including: not starting small business because of expense of health care costs, some jobs don’t have health insurance since it is too expensive for the company so many of us go without (including regular checkups), or when we transition jobs and we are stuck with awaiting periods, pre-existing conditions and wait clauses requiring us to not have health coverage or pay exorbitant Cobra payments for benefits when we can barely afford our apartment deposits or college debt. Many of us don’t have husbands where we could be put on their health benefits and we must deal with these ups and downs.

I think there are lot of us whom would love to get involved and become candidates to start on a path to politics and making changes for woman, but we sit back for a variety of reasons I am going to highlight a few: 1. we are busy running our own lives 2. we try and get discouraged because people think we are too young or don’t understand how we could represent them, and 3. politics even just the word makes some people think about corruption and negative association. Even though there are a lot of amazing woman making great advances by getting involved in politics. I believe encouragement needs to happen to reach beyond the current boundaries.

Aside from health care and advancing woman, the work market really needs to be more flexible. 8-5 pm is great, but it doesn’t work for everyone. Some women want to stay at home and not work, and some want to work 40+ hours, but there can also be somewhere in the middle. We are all different and we have different end goals. I don’t think that the job market has really responded to this yet. It amazes me driving to work when we sit in traffic from specific times of the day, maybe traffic could be helped if we were more flexible with work hours. This is something we should work on as woman so that we have the flexibility to become mothers, not go into debt, or become high powered CEOs whatever we desire to be. Maybe as we become CEOs, we will allow the companies to become more flexible.

Sorry, this is getting a little long, but I think this is just the start of our lives today and when we involved woman what can be done.

A speech on gender should also include the fact that women need to embrace their gender. The differences women have and experience should be shouted from the rooftops. Women and men are different for a reason. We balance the world. Women’s femininity and approach to the world is what the world needs to balance men’s masculinity and approach. Women need to embrace and love themselves, and teach their female friends, elders and children to embrace it as well. I’m glad I’m a woman, and I would have it no other way. I don’t mind the struggles, the frustration and the fight I need to fight to make it in the world because, I love myself, I love my femininity, I love my way, and I know that I am strong enough to do it. Women need to realize their strengths, capitalize on them and encourage and acknowledge each other for those strengths. A speech on gender should speak to the continued wage gap - it is inexcusable. Equal work demands equal pay regardless of gender, race, color, creed, religion, disability, orientation, etc. The lack of affordable child care and healthcare is not just a women’s issue, but a nationwide issue. And who better than a woman to address it and solve it - considering that the female is generally the decision maker and caretaker regardless of position or family status. Political disenfranchisement and under-representation of women in the upper echelons of business and politics is also not just a women’s issue, but a nationwide issue. Women are at fault here as much as men. Women need to run, women need to support and lift up other women, women need to give accolades and kudos to women who choose to run, want to run, or want to succeed in the business world. The truth is, women outnumber men and women are greater, smarter, and have more power than men if we would only just step up and use it. I hate to say it, but women could take over and rule the world if we only learned to love ourselves and to love each other - believing in ourselves and believing in each other. There would be no man or political or corporate machine that could stop us. I think that any speech on gender needs to focus on the unity and divisions which exist among women themselves to address these issues first and foremost. Getting women excited, involved and ready to particpate in advocacy and action is the only way we will continue to progress.

A very influential writing teacher once told me that we need to record the stories of women, the batles they fight and courageously win in the home and in the community. Women everywhere have a strenghth of spirit and a unique power within them. As women we need to value each other more and look for the merit in each and every life that we come into contact with. We need to celebrate what makes us women and use those qualities to go forth and achieve in all spectrums and spheres of life. We need to love ourselves more and see the strenghths that society may see as weakness. One of my most intense desires is to see women suceed and love who they are and what they do. Our voices not our gender need to be heard for the inherent good that they speak. By raising each other we can unite and the social injustice, discrimination and injustice can be fought as a cohesive united front.

I believe that many of the women who support Hillary for President are afraid to share their opinions publicly or even in private with family and friends. Why are we so afraid to state and defend our positions when it seems perfectly socially acceptable for Hillary’s opponents to say loudly that they HATE Hillary? I don’t get it!

I am a 50 year old female living in a small town and I decided enough is enough. I “came out” in support of Hillary Clinton for President in 2008. I put a bumper sticker on my car and I’m saying it out loud. I’m doing it with a smile on my face and facts to defend my position. I’m asking my friends to say it out loud with me. Hillary Clinton for President!

I am nearly sixty and currently paying for my health insurance on COBRA. I have worked at my current full-time job since September 2007 and still the company will not hire me as a full-time employee. I believe that is because of health insurance costs not because of my age. The high cost of COBRA is wearing me down financially and cutting into my ability to save for my retirement. I am divorced and need to take care of myself if I ever get to retire. At my age, I don’t like being afraid every minute of every day that I will be unable to work and pay for health insurance. I have already survived breast cancer. Sometimes I ask myself why I fought so hard only to have to worry all the time about insurance.

Women need to stick together and fight for our rights. Even in the event of divorce women are portrayed as emotional and that there feelings are just hormones speaking. I am tired of watching men leave their wives and children and then they are able to continue to torture their exwives and children with no consequence. Women and children are left in dire straights and the men are protected by the police and the legal system. Women have died protecting themselves and their children from these abusive men and yet the laws still are not there to protect women. When will this madness stop. We look at the poor women of Afghanistan who have no rights. I see women here in similar situations which is an total injustice. Women need to be heard and protected when their is a domestic situation. Let’s not wait for another women to die at the hands of an abusive man when the law does not listen or protect women and children.

I think it’s important to stay in the positive. So, instead of talking about the things we don’t want, we describe the world we want to see. We want hope and inspiration, not anger and frustration.

The value of a woman has long been understated and misrepresented. Yes, women are extremely capable of physically caring for a home, a family and friends, cooking the meals, running the errands, paying the bills, cooking the food, etc….

What many fail to understand is the big picture of the woman’s role. The very men and women that now lead our country have been influenced by the women in their lives, the same women that were known as “mom” or “grandmom”. These women with their ability to reason and to analyze and see past the “right now”, gave this present generation the ability to think and to respond, just as it will be done in generations to come.

How many conflicts have I counselled as a mom; between siblings, between dad and child, between teacher and child, between co-workers? And because I chose to listen to both sides, a resolution was available for all parties.

Women and men are equally as important in this world, each bring a valuable source of knowledge and power to the table. It’s unfortunate that the world as a whole, still does not recognize the woman’s worth and that a woman’s voice is equally as important and needed in every aspect of society.

Even so, the women I know are not giving up, they press on knowing that their worth is more than is often recognized, and without them, there would be a lot more chaos and unresolved crisis.

As a sailor and owner of a 40 foot sailboat I have come across tremendous bias in the world of yachting. There is a general assumption that the boat is my husbands and that I don’t possess the needed skills to sail the boat. Assumptions are dangerous and as long as men continue to assume the facts without knowing them woman will be second class citizens. I have more courage skill and determination than any man I know. Thats the facts.As a musician I would be politely asked in the local music store if I was confused about any of the new keyboards. Ironically I had a patch bay of syntesizer which I was able to produce sounds from wave forms. Once again that dangerous assumption that because I am a woman I am lacking. At 49 years old Im tired of defending my brains and skills.Stop assuming …its belittling and has no bearing on the facts.

In my opinion, this country sorely needs a predominantly female perspective at decision-making levels to replace all that machismo with grace, decorum and sensibility.

It is sad to think that in today’s day and age there is still discrimination of gender or race. I was raised by parents who encouraged both my brother and I equally, to take the world by storm and accompish whatever we put our minds to. We were not limited in our dreams. I think a lot of people my age were raised this same way, but when we look into the world we see the discrimnation we were sheltered from as children. I would like to encourage others as I was encouraged. The only one that can truly limit you is yourself. You are the only one is in control of your destiny. The rest of the people can fight you, toss up hurdle after hurdle, but in the end it is you who decides how far you are willing to go. Stay strong, stay focused and never let anyone make you settle. Set goals and meet them. You may have to fight all the way to get what it is you want, but your fate would be your own and not that which was dictated to you because of your race or gender.

As a college student I entered the US Coast Guard Reserve. The summer of my freshman year I went to boot camp and was surprised to find out that the women were in the same units as the men instead of being separated. There were approximately 16 women and 80 men in my group. The women were treated just as the men, except that we slept, showered and dressed in a smaller berthing area adjacent to the men in the group. Otherwise we trained and competed equally. For me it was one of the most liberating experiences. There was no gender gap. Everything was based on individual accomplishments and in turn how we performed as a team.
As I started college classes in the fall this experience gave me additional strength and determination. I had trained toe to toe with almost 100 young people, both men and women, and I had come out in the top 5 of my group. At that point in my life I was pretty fearless and I wanted to do it all. Years later when I went into the US Marine Corps active duty I found a different circumstance. Women were completely separated from the men. In fact we had our own separate battalion away from all the others. We trained and competed against the other women, but there was something missing in this. It was not as challenging, and it was not as liberating an experience. We were strong, and we were able, but we were different and we were treated as such. I stood out as a leader in both, but in the end I would have to say that it was the US Coast Guard that better prepared the women for all aspects of life in and out of the service.
I use this example because I would like for other women to see that it is possible to do anything a man can do. We should not have to settle because we are a different gender. Does gender make us weak? Does gender make us unable? No. In fact I would say the opposite. We are stronger because we have to take on the responsibilities in our lives while supporting those of our husbands, our children, and of many others in our family. Women play many roles; taking care of homes, families, ourselves, all the while working, attending school, and volunteering/participating in various organizations.
We are strong. We are able. If only we would be just as determined with our dreams as we are in the care of those around us in both our personal and professional lives.
To end, I would like to leave you with a quote I found about a year ago that has kept a smile on my face as I have faced my obstacles: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win” - Mahatma Gandhi
How fitting that for women, they ignored us, then they laughed at us when we said we wanted equal rights. In some areas they fought us, but in the end we will accomplish whatever it is we set out to do.

I believe this speech should address the need for more education on the history of women in our country and the important contributions they have provided. Since I have been an educator for over thirty years, at all levels, I have first hand knowledge of how biased the history books portray the develpment of our country. Until our children are given the opportunity to know the truth, we cannot expect males or females to change their viewpoints on the inequality of the gender, race, or class. It is through education that we will enable our children to gain knowledge and power to bring about change.

To: The Women of the United States of America
From: A Daughter, Sister, Niece, Mother & Grandmother

My core belief is that you can’t change a persons opinion of you by arguing-but by demonstrating who you really are. You can’t demand respect-it is earned. You can’t get ahead at work by protesting-you must work harder. You can’t expect to receive compensation due you from a person who is incapable of judging your worth. I believe that a whole new approach is called for. I challenge the women of the United States to ban together in support of each other. Network, start a grass roots approach. Childcare expenses; my daughter watches her own children and those of her brother. She left a good job because the needs of the children were more important. They each save money and the children are taken care of by family. While my daughter is at home with my grandchildren she’s taking classes on line for a new career when the children are in school. You say you don’t have family, find one! Go to a church, a women’s club, network with other women, we all have the same problems. If we work together we can solve them. I’m launching a business from the frustration life brings as a single woman. We must empower each other, help each other, encourage each other. If your neighbor needs to borrow your computer to take an on line class once a week, watch her child so she can! She could watch yours while you do volunteer work. The problems we face are not that difficult to solve. If you don’t think your being appreciated and are not being compensated what you’re worth, educate yourself on what is required to get a better job. If your car is unreliable, check out public transportation. Food prices too high? Learn to garden, everyone has at least a window, you can grow herbs and tomatoes in containers near a window, a small patio. If you live in a large apt complex, have a block party-pass around a petition to be granted a portion of the landscape for a vegetable garden. Passing laws and forcing the big boys to play fair and jumping up and down isn’t going to get you what you really want. True satisfaction from any area of your life comes from being appreciated for you talents and your use of them. If you aren’t being appreciated then talk to someone who seems to have it all together, ask her how she did it. What classes, skills did she have to acquire to become a cashier instead of a stock clerk. Ladies you can’t have it all, you have to pick your battles. Figure out what’s most important to your well being and those you are responsible for. Improve one thing with relation to that most important thing. Then take the next one. You have to take action. Stomping your feet isn’t going to do it, but learning to do the Tango might. Get attention because you look sharp, you’re prepared, ready for anything. Don’t be at the mercy of someone else’s sinking ship, update your resume every 6 months. If your employer closes the doors for good, fires you and hires her niece or dies, don’t be left standing in the dark crying what am I going to do. Be ready, be organized. When you start conducting your own life in an orderly fashion it will filter into your work life. Be the best employee you can be, not for their sake, for your own. Playing poor pitiful me won’t garner respect from anyone, not even from yourself. Think of “Stands with a Fist”, the woman from Dances with Wolves, she wasn’t treated fairly, she stood up for herself and earned respect. Think of all of the fine women that have come before you. They were active in their community, taking action, leading by example. Think of a way to improve your situation or someone you know, and do it. Offer assistance to a sister in need. If we get organized we won’t have to ask someone to pay us what we’re worth-we’ll be hiring quality employees and paying them what they’re worth. If you don’t like the rules and the players in the game-then make up your own game. It’s time to stand with a fist, we ladies don’t realize the power we have. It’s time to take control, first of your own life, then help someone else, then someone else.
Debra Lloyd
Singleness of Purpose
Anthem AZ

You, the women of America, are truly amazing. You are intelligent, complicated, incredibly strong and resourceful. Unfortunately, far too many women in this country are suffering from exhaustion, stress and frustration.

The feminist movement of the 60’s revealed the state of economic and workplace inequities and disparities. The rise in feminism brought about positive ideological changes in the educational systems and for women in politics. However, our nation and our world are continually evolving, and women’s rights have not kept up with the pace.

I find it compelling that some women fully embrace feminist values and others eschew them completely. I think I know why. It is because we do not all want the same things in life! Nor should we. Our prerogative is to decide what we want in life and to pursue those goals with all of our resources. Our diverse circumstances and backgrounds mean that we will have substantially different paths throughout life. We are not a homogeneous group. We have tremendous differences of opinion and that is our greatest strength!

That is not to say that we do not have similar core values. Most women in America agree that it is imperative to have equal pay for equal work. We want equal educational and employment opportunities. We want strong families. Family means, a single parent family, or a traditional family with a husband and wife, or same sex parents. We want our children to be safe, healthy and have equal opportunities for employment and education. We want bodies and minds that are healthy and strong. We want to ensure our parents and grandparents are well cared for with dignity and compassion.

One of the strongest divisions in women’s beliefs is about children. I have met women who are adamant that they must stay home with their children when they are babies, or until they are in middle school or until they go off to college. Some mothers work full time and enroll their newborns in daycare. One woman said she would go crazy staying home with the kids; she prefers to work. Another woman longs to stay home with her children, but cannot afford it. Affordable childcare, flex time for working mothers and higher pay for childcare workers are just a few of the feasible possibilities.

The bottom line is that we need to stop judging other women’s choices. Taking care of children, whether it is at home, in a daycare or at school, is one of the most important jobs in the world. Our children are the future. We should embrace different viewpoints and regard them as opportunities to create change in the system, which will give all women equal opportunity to live their lives and make choices with autonomy and confidence.

Unequal income for equal work is a broad definition of discrimination against women. In American history, most immigrant groups suffered from discrimination. Let’s face it; the current labor market in America does not always operate with equality or fairness. In our workforce, some women do earn wages equal to men for equal work. Unfortunately, a great majority does not. A few women have broken through the proverbial glass ceiling. Many, many others have not. The number of lawsuits in the courts indicates sexism is a problem. These women have tried and failed, but the failure was not on their part. Some have lost their way in the career world, lost their faith in themselves, and in our political process and economic systems.

We need to restore faith to women. Sexism in the workforce deepens women’s insecurities, causes stress, frustration and economic disparity. All these factors influence the health of women and healthcare is a serious issue and a priority for women. We are in desperate need of affordable healthcare for all in this country.

We have seen the economic progress in America, the expansion of the global markets and the increase in educational opportunities for women. These factors should have been a predictor of gender equality in the workforce; however, the gains have not been sustained. We need to create opportunities that are equal and consistent for women. For example, occupations traditionally dominated by women, such as elementary school teachers and clerical workers, have a history of low pay. The disparity has been roundly criticized for years and yet nothing has changed.

Let’s remove occupational barriers and respect a woman’s decision to have a child and allow her to be competitive in the workforce and continue to take care of her child or her parents in a humane and practical manner. Many women’s careers fracture when they take time off to care for their children or their elderly parents. Why, as a society, can’t we acknowledge these problems and find solutions?

Many injustices against women exist, not only in this country, but also in the global community. They include violence, abuse, rape, mutilation, denial of benefits, abysmal working conditions, and other horrific treatment. We must continue to speak out about these abuses.

Women need to be vigilant about maintaining their rights and ensuring those rights be maintained for our children. We have a right to privacy. We are in control of our bodies. We have the right to procreate or not to procreate. We have a right to make medical decisions about our bodies. We have the right of sexual autonomy and sexual liberty.
Vigilance is required to ensure laws support our rights, and we need to scrutinize media and advertising in an objective manner.

I am proud of you, the women of this country. You work hard. You are leaders, businesswomen, politicians, entrepreneurs, caretakers, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters, and perhaps, one day, president. Women in America, you have an incredible amount of power. You have a voice. You have a vote. You know what is important. It is incumbent upon you to be informed, to care deeply, and to act.

A constantly recurring theme here is, “What about mothers?” We must support ALL choices, those who decide to procreate and those who don’t or can’t. Whether or not we churn out babies makes us no less WOMEN. I feel a big part of why men have accomplished things such as attaining the highest political offices is because they’re not associated primarily with child-rearing, with the title of “father” first, but as leaders first (i.e., their abilities) and fathers a distant second, if at all.

Why is it that a woman is associated with motherhood first and her abilities second? It should be the other way around…a woman who has children is no more or less capable than someone who doesn’t. I feel that once we stop talking about whether or not a woman has children, we women will have more success in politics. Identifying a woman’s capabilities merely because she has children is completely erroneous. For example, there are bad doctors who don’t have weight problems and good doctors who ignore their own advice and have weight problems.

The question is, are we all about our bodies and breeding, like livestock, or are we about what we have to offer? Once we stop talking about “we’re all mothers first and leaders second,” I feel we will have raised the bar sufficiently to prove we can handle the job. Otherwise, it’s like any other form of employment…employers want to know, “Will she take off to have a baby?” Personally, I don’t want someone leading me who is going to potentially take off X number of months for maternity leave, where we end up in the hands of someone else, anyway, probably a male VP. Or a woman who is going to be so preoccupied with what her children are doing, running the country becomes less of an issue than how well her kids are doing in school.

I don’t want to hear about how well or poorly a woman has raised her children. That is no reflection on whether or not she can handle herself in office. I want to know where she stands on the issues that affect us all. Just like I would expect to hear about a male candidate. I have never heard anyone say, “We must vote for John Doe because he did a great job raising his children.”

Robin Morgan did a fine job, I thought.

I embrace womanhood, sisterhood, and equal rights for women. I admire, inspire, and support all women. To win equality and respect is to remind the world who we are - human. Gender identity has, for too long, been the defining argument for differences between man and woman - good and bad. Changing the way we view each other is a step toward eradicating the injustices that we face across the board - the very things discrimination is founded on in every front.

As author Costantino Delli simply says, “All of us breathe and we have a soul.” It’s what we do with our breathing (for example, mediation to cleanse your mind, understand our dreams, visualize successful outcomes) and how we connect with our soul (have values, interact with the world and do what is right) that makes us different.

While men and women are designed differently to achieve natural procreation, our essential need for a positive existence in this world are the same - food, water, love, understanding, compassionate, knowledge, and so on. We need to look beyond the physical appearance - male, female, race, height, weight, age, etc. - and see the person in their true calling: leader, change agent, friend, teacher, mentor, advisor, family, protector, and so on. We need to embrace and celebrate what each individual can bring to the table, not because they are a man or woman but because they are capable and geniune.

When people can be defined as individuals making a positive difference in someone’s life not as the man or woman but as a person identified by name not by gender, the world can become homogeneous and harmonious. Color, gender, and class barriers are removed from our minds and replaced with the identity of the person by their given name and not by their physical description. Our focus should be working together as humans toward a common goal and the transference of knowledge to make the world a better place. That being said, it will take the power and will of women to effect that mindset.

I am grateful to all the women who are contributing to this genderfication topic. I read some of the wonderful testimonies that some of the women have written in response to this vigorous topic. I can relate too many of these women’s experiences as far as the discrimination that is opposed against us because we are women. As women we play a very important role in society as a whole. I classify myself as a woman who wears many hats; such as, but not limited to, a mother, daughter, sister, and most of all I am a woman leader who is aiming for changes and have exemplify that by reaching out to the people of my community as well as surrounding communities of the five boroughs of Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, Bronx, and Staten Island.

I am a single mother of four children who played dual roles. I am both mommy and daddy and have to hold down the household as I am faced with many obstacles thrown my way such as being unemployed, facing evictions etc… But in the midst of all these challenges I manage to make sure that the children are safe and comfortable to the best of my ability. For those of you who are parents know that raising boys is not an easy task. I want the male leaders and men in general to please understand that without women there are no men. Women are the back bone to every male whether they are in roles of leadership or just a simple old guy, because while men are away from the home implementing policies and enforcing laws; we are home making sure that the household is in great condition for their return. In addition to that, men look for our advice before making decisions, which includes the clothes they wear to the decision that is to be made at the office.

I thank Ms. Marie Wilson, President of the White House Project for her sincere passion that in regards to women’s issues and concerned that stress her vision to create such remarkable program that allow women to come together to voice for one another and with that being said changes will happen. I am happy to be a part of this family.

Dreaming the new life for my self as a women makes it necessary to look very deeply at life as it is and was for myself and my sisters, mothers, grandmothers. We cannot change what is today without acknowledging what has been. Unless we do, we continue to carry forward that past and make it “real” in our present and our future. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge.

My mothers were taught to be dysfunctional and co-dependent by a system of “men will take care of you.” My grandmothers were taught to be fearful by a system that labeled women’s unique abilities to discern and heal as “witchcraft”. My great-grandmothers were taught to be still by a system that said that “women were men’s property”. And my most ancient grandmother was told that she had no right to learn and to discern between the “good and the evil” of this world. And, that all of her creations would only be birthed through great pain.

Those experiences. carved unconscious patterns within our collective female group, remain unacknowledged and extremely powerful. They create the boxes within which we as women play out our lives. They are reflected in women who do not believe that they know enough to take on leadership roles. They show up when a woman fights another woman for the attention of a man. They keep us quiet or angry, victimized and passive. It has taken a great deal of courage and strength for those who have stepped out. And yet a woman ought to be the one who decides what will bring out the best in each pregnancy, mold the best in each child, create the richest environment for each home, each community, state and nation is the natural ability of women.

Transforming beyond the limiting concepts of past experience is what I envision for women. It will come through a woman waking up and being clear about her self.

The breaking of chains would sound something like this:

“I realize that I have brought stories of limit to every experience of my life. I have brought the concept that I, as a woman, would not be heard. I believed that I, as a woman, could not know identify and speak of those things that were destroying my life and the lives of my children. I have felt that I, as a woman, had to fight for the attention and partnering with a man, any man, in order to survive. I had decided that my sense of outrage at the destruction I see around me had to be held deep within because my angry was unbecoming.
“Now, I realize that I have kept myself small and safe in my concepts of victimhood and these ideas are costing me too much.
“They are costing me experiences of honest conversations and deep relationships. They are costing me leadership roles where I could bring real change to my life and my world. They are costing me the lives and safety of my children. They are costing me the pleasure and fulfillment of work that brings meaning and contribution to my life.
“Additionally, I realize that all of those old stories are not true. They were made up during difficult times that myself and my genetic grandmothers experienced. I let them all go.”

Then, the chains can break and new breath can fill an empty space rather than trying to stack new dreams within boxes of unconscious limiting stories.

These sounds would resonate:

“In the new stillness, I see unlimited possibilities that come from deep within me. I am loved and supported abundantly within my world as I choose to create new dreams within a clear space.”

We all know that women have the right and ability to design and create a world unlike any we have known and our time has come to equally and effortlessly participate.

My mother always spoke of college as “when you go,” not “If you go.” So, I grew up with the idea I was going to college, without a thought of an alternative. My mother, while growing up, was told that as a good Mexican Catholic, it was her duty to get married and reproduce, not attend college. When I was living in Italy the fall semester of my senior year in college, my mother came to visit me. She told me that she wanted me to go to law school. She wanted me to be a U.S. Senator one day and she wanted me to change the world. I laughed at her. I told her there was no chance I wanted to be a lawyer.
Eight months after I graduated from undergrad, I applied to law school. Now, more than ten years after that conversation, I am still working on my mother’s goals for my life. I am a legal services attorney; I have been working for legal services organizations for almost six years. In addition, I am a mother and a wife.
But more importantly, I have only been changing the world for one person at a time. One day, I will do as my mother wished.
Women need to come together, stop tearing each other down, build each other up, and change the world.

There’s an interesting thing that happens when you have a mentally ill mother-you watch your father being blamed for her illness, taken to task for not supporting her in her abuse of her children, and when he leaves because he and the children are abused, the father is made to be cold/uncaring. We need to wake up in this country that domestic violence works both ways-women are abusers, too. The feminist movement was started for equal rights, not special rights. The pay gap needs to be narrowed, I agree. But what will money do to combat the environment we have created that demonizes men? I was fortunate to have a great role model in my father and also my brother. I cringe when I see them being treated as “less than” simply because they are male. Isn’t that exactly what are asking for-to be treated equal? When we can see the person and not the gender we will truly as a country be on the course for greatness.

I think the dialogue starts with honesty. We have to talk to each other about what life is really like - in all its beautiful conflicts and contradictions. I think some of the most destructive things we do to each other as women, starts with acting like we are “perfect”. It hurts all of us when we tell each other we have all the answers and enjoy every aspect of our lives and anyone who doesn’t isn’t doing it right. The real relationships start when we admit we love some things are bored by others, etc. Then we give each other room to become authentic. I don’t think there is one answer to what women want or what our lives are like. Ultimately I think we want the room to be many things.

What a distressing state of affairs this truly is! 30 years ago I was asked how fast I could type every time I went for a job interview - which (amazingly) all fell into the secretarial pool. Were male college grads being asked that question? No way! A mere 16 years ago my husband and I fell out of favor with some ” friends” because the man thought that I was talking too much about my business rather than wifely topics, whatever that is. In today’s business world women have made some significant strides - we are opening companies at twice the rate of men, and currently contribute in excess of 3.7 billion dollars to the national economy every year. Our voices have more clout because we wield more of it in the entrepreneurial sector - but we have oh so much more to attain! Many of our sister business owners are still not as savvy as men in asking for what they are worth; we are still learning how to confidently negotiate new deals and partnerships with the same ease and panache as the “old boys club”. In the corporate sector, pay and benefit disparities are still very real - and sadly there are still way too many men who want to push back the tide. We need more women to speak up, more women in politics, more women in managerial positions and more women in the boardrooms. We need more women to act with sincerity about helping others of our fair sex to succeed, instead of throwing wrenches in the works. I see contemporary women ( my peers and younger than I) who ought to know better, falling into the same gender traps - expecting one mode of behavior from their mates and male children, while dressing their girls as Brittney runnerups. So, in order for things to really change, we need more mothers ( and fathers) to step up to the plate - to educate their young men to treat women as equals, with respect. The mixed messages are rampant - and it’s up to the women of the new millennium to expect change, to demand change, to become instruments of change. We should stand together to attain an environment where we can have equal opportunities everywhere - whether we are homemakers or on the job, whether it’s about health care benefits or concerns emerging and growth-t